ARE EMPOWERED WOMEN EMPOWERING MEN?
I
am a British 1980's Generation X teenager and, as such, I grew up
surrounded by powerful women. From having my country run by two women
(H.M. the Queen and Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady)
to Joan Collins in her shoulder pads as Alexis Colby in Dynasty, to
the example of my own mother, whose rock-solid reliability and
constant care for me inspires me to this day as the gold standard of
motherhood in my eyes, I have always admired strong women and their
ability to achieve in a world that, even in the 21st.
Century, is still way too male-dominated.
An empowered woman takes responsibility for her life, makes her own
rules, honours herself, lives by her inner compass, values her
passions, chooses empowering relationships, takes a stand, develops a
relationship with fear (that is, she is courageous), empowers other
women and owns her pleasure.
I like this definition. Certainly there is something very attractive
about a woman who lives up to her own actions, decides what she
wants, is comfortable in her body, trusts her feminine intuition,
does what she loves, has high standards for her relationships, speaks
her mind, is brave, sticks up for the sisterhood and has a healthy
attitude towards sex.
The question for men is whether this fair creature represents a
threat to us or should be welcomed. I argue for the latter. Indeed, I
would further argue that any woman appearing to possess these
qualities but who then uses them against men is not as empowered as
she thinks she is.
I have always been somewhat suspicious of the rabidly anti-male
feminist.
While the struggle for equality is real and the issues that still
face women remain formidable, I have always sensed in my heart that
the feminist who is seriously anti-men is not entirely happy with
being female, either. Perhaps she feels weak, so attempts to look
strong by trying to beat men at their own game, encouraging women to
behave more like men to get ahead in life and career. It also pains
me that so many feminists became feminists because a man in their
lives did something bad to them. While Andrea Dworkin was the most
famous example of this kind of feminist, I am encouraged by the fact
that more mainstream figures in women's liberation, such as Germaine
Greer, Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan and Shere Hite, had no such
dreadful experiences.
I feel that a truly empowered woman does not look at men as “the
competition” but rather invites men to be unthreatened by her
femininity and sexuality and to be co-author of female equality
together with her, confident that such a man is both her equal and a
person worthy of respect.
Can such a man be found? The large number of rather wussy SNAGs
(“Sensitive New-Age Guys”) and the number of women reading “50
Shades” suggests that he is rare. In a way, this is a rather sad
state of affairs.
When I was a teenage boy in the 1980's, I always believed in women's
empowerment. Of course men and women were created equal. I could
hardly believe that the 1960's generation could ever believe
otherwise. Weren't they the generation who thought blacks should be
segregated, who thought gays should be locked up and who thought
bombing Cambodia was a good way to stop the Vietnam War? How stupid.
Of course the new generation of hip young things in the 1980's would
never stoop to such ridiculous conclusions. We had Michael Jackson as
the King of Pop, Madonna was a role model, British pop singers like
Boy George and Culture Club paved the way for gay culture, Freddie
Mercury from Queen was bisexual. What was wrong with the older
generation?
Since then things haven't quite worked out. I thought it was wrong to
ask a woman for sex straight out. No way would I ever make such a
stupid mistake as to harass a woman at work. I thought men who did that were
ignorant guys who cared nothing for feminism and had an attitude
against women. However, some of the guys who grew up with these
enlightened beliefs (not me, thank goodness) turned from the light
when they realized that behaving in this way resulted in no sex and
no girlfriend. Afraid to ask women for what they really wanted, they
hoped that she would “get the hint” and when she didn't (because,
actually, he gave no hint - because he thought it was wrong to do
that), he turned from being a “nice guy” into being not-so-nice
and complained that women had all the power and that they weren't
nurturing enough. The 50% divorce rate didn't help either. Guys of my
generation grew up in female-dominated families where the father was
often absent or unavailable, so I, for one, have had significant
issues acting like a man because I had no role model.
Now there is greater understanding of female sexuality and psychology
than there was before. A new generation of guys are growing up
realizing that there is a duality to femininity. The successful CEO
in the boardroom also likes being submissive in the bedroom. She can
believe in women's liberation and read “50 Shades” at the same
time. She can choose to be an ethical slut or choose to wait for the
right man because she believes she is worth it. She grew up in high
school surrounded by women who chose to have relationships with their
friends, regardless of whether those friends are male or female and
she doesn't feel the need to label this behaviour as a definite
sexuality. What's a little cunnilingus between friends? Does it have
to mean she's bisexual? Can't she just hang out and be chill about
whatever happens?
Today's teenage boys think this is normal. As a high school teacher,
I've seen it. I don't want to see any more young girls growing up
ashamed because their bodies don't live up to some ideal. I want her
to listen to her womb and trust what it says, to be comfortable with
her femininity and proud to be a woman. She can live her passions,
fulfill her dream, achieve her life goals. I feel encouraged that
teenage boys are already accepting this as the way it should be.
As for me, I absolutely love this type of woman. She challenges me to
be the best I can be. She is courageous and that inspires me. Also, dare
I say it – this woman is sexy. I want her – and it's safe to want
her; because a woman confident in her sexuality knows she is
attractive to a man who is confident in his.
In this way, then, a fully-empowered woman can empower men to rise
above the stereotypes of the past to become the fully-confident man
he has always wanted to be and to share that confident life with her;
and if all men embraced this, this world would be better off for it.
Here's an infographic on sexual harassment in the workplace you might find useful -
Here's an infographic on sexual harassment in the workplace you might find useful -
MY OPINION ON THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
This started maybe some 20 years ago, although things really started moving when a movie called "The Secret" came out in 2006 that popularized the Law of Attraction and brought it into mainstream thought. Since then a wide range of "gurus" have come out that practise this Law and numerous success stories have been reported, although there have also been a large number of negative events, too. It is heavily supported by Oprah Winfrey, who has read many books on the subject and recommends these books to her many fans.
So, as a Personal Development expert myself, what's my take on all of this?
I am a Roman Catholic and I always try to give you the best advice. I consider being a Roman Catholic to be an advantage in Personal Development, since the teachings of the Catholic Church have been refined and refined to a high degree of accuracy and its dedication to the Truth of Jesus Christ and to the way things really are have impressed me. I was blown away by the pinpoint theological accuracy of the "Summa Theologica" of Saint Thomas Aquinas, who goes into absolutely painstaking detail on a wide range of topics regarding the spiritual life and the meaning of sin, the teaching of the Church, how to go to Heaven, virtues, vices, the soul, philosophy and a whole bunch of other stuff. I mean, this guy is just dead-on. There are not many heresies and errors that can get past him, and if any do, then there's always Saint Augustine to knock them down!
So, not only as a Personal Development expert, but also as a Roman Catholic, I am morally obliged to inform you, on pain of sin requiring confession to absolve it, that, in its absolute sense, the Law of Attraction is a heresy. The Law of Attraction states that "the Universe" can be controlled by Man using his own mental power. Since practitioners state that "the Universe" is a synonym for God, this is tantamount to saying that Man has power over God and can become "like God" (which is Satan's greatest ambition). Furthermore, I have to tell you that the Catholic Church has seen this all before. We are the oldest denomination, and most heresies have already been thought of years ago and have just been recycled over and over throughout the past 2,000 years. So I have to tell you that attempting to control inanimate objects and the behaviour of other people using the power of occult forces and your own brain is a very old-fashioned sin. It's called SORCERY. It breaks the First Commandment ("Thou shalt have no other god before me") and is against the virtue of religion, where we render worship to God on account of His Goodness. So there!
So now, having laid down the law and given you the hard word, it's time for the good news. I believe that, in a more restricted sense, there is some benefit in some of the actions performed by those who believe in the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction needs to be reined in so that it is within the boundaries of right reason and empirical science. On a personal level, I believe that it is acceptable to look at the Law of Attraction as "an atheist's name for Divine Providence". Many events take place in the world and I believe as a matter of faith that God moves people and things in such a way that all His creatures are directed to their natural end - rain feeds the soil, plants grow, food is available for animals to live and breathe, dead organisms decompose into the soil to provide minerals and sustenance for the next generation, and so on. In the lives of human beings, God often directs this or that person or thing to serve His interests and bring His people to the life that He has chosen for them on this earth, so that His Will be done. Thus, to the believer in God, many seemingly unconnected events can be viewed through the eyes of faith to be willed by God so that we arrive at our supernatural end, which is to enjoy the Beatific Vision of God in Heaven.
Now, as for "the Universe", this can be construed, as even a Law of Attraction practitioner can attest, as a synonym for God. So "asking the Universe" just means "asking God". Many practitioners complain that the Law of Attraction doesn't always work. This can be explained by simply stating that what you are asking for is not in accordance with the Will of God. God wants the best for you but to know what He wants is to seek His Will. To ask for a Ferrari to suddenly appear outside your house tomorrow morning may not be God's Will for you. The fact is, you need to face up to the fact that if you are an unemployed bricklayer living in a trailer park with debts up to your eyeballs and the IRS knocking on your door, that Ferrari is not going to arrive any day soon! You need to wake up to reality, quit fiddling around with the Law of Attraction and start pounding the sidewalk to look for a job. TAKE ACTION towards your goals, make things happen and constantly bet on yourself. DO THIS FIRST, and then ask God if it is His Will for you to have this or that job interview. See which doors open and which doors close. If two doors are open, that's when you should ask God which one to take. If you want to know God's Will, start by trying to do His Will on your current knowledge of Who He Is. So get started on the Ten Commandments and make it your daily habit to obey all of them. God will see this and doors will open. Obeying His Commandments means leaving old habits and pastimes behind. This may involve some sacrifices but that is to be expected. "Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me," says the Lord.
As for affirmations, I view these as simply prayers. Talking with God is praying. That's fine. Everyone should do that more!
What about the phenomenon of people "manifesting" things and "their subconscious mind hears this" and stuff actually starts happening in their lives? Well, I feel that science can explain this. Constant repetition of one dominant thought over and over again creates neural pathways in the brain due to a feature of brain circuitry that scientists call "plasticity". This is where often-used neural pathways strengthen and become more numerous the more they are exercised, while neural pathways that are only occasionally used atrophy and weaken and finally disappear. The subconscious mind is not well-understood by science but I believe that it CAN have some considerable effect on our thought patterns. Thinkers such as Sigmund Freud spoke of the "id", the "ego" and the "superego", where the "id" is the reptilian brain, the base, animalistic primitive brain close to the brain stem which he viewed as being carnal, instinctive and mainly concerned with immediate gratification of simple bodily urges. The "id" is controlled by both the "ego" and "superego". I'm not sure I agree with everything Freud said but I feel that the subconscious mind does have an "underground" influence on conscious thought patterns but that this influence is moderated by the conscious mind (Freud's "ego") and our values and beliefs on what is right or wrong (the "superego"). I feel that if a Law of Attraction practitioner consistently "manifests" the same thing over and over, neural pathways in that person's brain concerning the thing he is manifesting will be strengthened. This in turn leads to heightened sensitivity and awareness to outside events that take place in that person's life that could have a possible connection to this dominant thought. This heightened awareness allows the practitioner to seize upon opportunities related to the "manifested" thing more quickly and effectively, where, previously, a more "average" awareness would have not noticed any perceived connection and the opportunity would have slid by. Thus the practitioner is able to perhaps benefit from suddenly taking action on these events and so the likelihood of the "manifested" thing actually happening in real life is increased.
So that's my opinion on the Law of Attraction. In summary then, I can advise you of the following -
1. In its absolute sense, the practice of the Law of Attraction represents an attempt by Man to control his destiny and the lives of others using occult forces and his own mental power, and this action is traditionally known as sorcery. It is gravely immoral and under no circumstances can I ever recommend this practice to you as a means to achieve your dream life.
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2. However, in a more restricted sense, the practice of the Law of
Attraction can be a healthy way to focus your mind on achievement and
to become alert to possibilities that life offers you, and render you
more ready and able to take action to achieve your life goals, while
at the same time allowing you the freedom to adhere to your usual
rational beliefs concerning faith and science. This more restricted
sense should be defined as follows -(a) "The Universe" is God.
(b) "The Law of Attraction" is Divine Providence.
(c) "Affirmations" are prayers.
(d) "Manifesting" is using mental repetition of a single dominant thought in order to create strengthened neural pathways in the brain, which leads to heightened awareness of life events that have some possible connection to the manifested desire, and a greater readiness to seize such opportunities as they arise, so that progress towards life goals can be made more efficiently, thus allowing the manifested desires to become a reality more often.
I can therefore recommend this more restricted practice to you as a healthy way to pursue your life dreams!
BELIEVING IN YOURSELF
Believing in yourself - this is one of the "biggies" of creating your dream life - the life that inspires you and makes you happy!
Believing in yourself is a process and a journey, rather than an activity that you can switch on when you want to.
You may have had an excellent childhood, with wonderful parents who cared for you and loved you, friends who supported you, and a network of people in your life to give you values and ideals that make you feel that you belong and give you meaning. If this is you, then I am happy for you because you are doing better than many other people in the world! It's much easier for you to believe in yourself because you have the background that makes self-belief easy.
However, if, like me, you had a childhood where a member of your family or your classmates at school were not friendly, treated you badly, teased you and bullied you and said that you were stupid, then you will have a much harder time believing in yourself than someone who did not have those problems.
To start believing in yourself, you need to recognize that it doesn't matter how people have treated you or what has happened in your life - YOUR VALUE is YOUR VALUE. It doesn't change based on what other people think or whether they accept you or reject you.
When you were small, you didn't understand what you understand now. You were just a young child, open to love and be loved. When that didn't happen, you thought there must be something wrong with you if your basic needs were not being met.
Well, you thought WRONGLY. Actually, there was nothing wrong with you - there was something wrong with them. You are not to blame for the way you were treated. You were left feeling, "I was robbed!" Yes, you were, but since when does that make YOU the bad guy? If a bank gets robbed, who's the bad guy - the bank manager or the bank robber? What if the bank manager says, "Oh, no! My bank got robbed! I'm such a BAD bank manager. I'm a terrible person. My life sucks! Now I hate myself and I want to die." Won't his staff say, "What's this? You didn't do anything wrong! It was the robber who stole the money!"
Understand that this is the way you thought when you were about 7 years old or even younger, but that it doesn't serve you now that you're older - and it doesn't even make any logical sense! Then you were a victim, but now you're a survivor.
So start with that, and begin thinking differently! You will find that a lot of your lack of self-belief is rooted in this thinking you've had in your mind since childhood. Believing in yourself is a big topic and I will write more blog posts on this in the future but this will start you off for now! I hope it can grant you the beginning of a new life, re-examined and re-evaluated, that gives you a solid foundation to build your dreams in the future!
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